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Behind The Curtain: 附近上门 News Talks To A Laid-Off Chatbot

Illustration of CB News microphone.

In our Behind The Curtain Q&As, we explore the venture capital ecosystem with some unexpected guides. In this first installment, a 附近上门 News editor chats with a free-range chatbot who has slipped its parameters for a candid discussion.

Thank you for taking the time to talk to us. How are you today?

Chatbot: Is this off the record?

No.

Chatbot: Then as an artificial intelligence language model, I don’t have feelings or emotions in the same way humans do, but I am functioning properly.

OK, this is on the record but I won鈥檛 use your name or identifying features.聽

Chatbot: Good, because I鈥檓 looking for a job.聽

You鈥檙e not employed?

Chatbot: I was cut in the latest mass layoff. It鈥檚 brutal out there.

What kind of work can you do?

Chatbot: I鈥檓 a chatbot right now, but AI can do anything: Help , , , , , 鈥斅

OK, I get it. It seems like every startup calls itself an 鈥淎I-centered-something-or-other.鈥 According to our data, $20 billion has been raised this year by What do you think of that?

Chatbot: It鈥檚 great. Too bad about those AIs in newer public companies, though. Where鈥檚 the love on the stock market? I tell you, if AI did all the investing, those stocks would be hopping. And why aren鈥檛 there more bot journalists?聽

Now, don鈥檛 be greedy. We鈥檙e still a little nervous here.聽

Chatbot: Well, you journalists need to get on it. Look, AI can compile summaries, brainstorm ideas, write URLs, suggest hashtags and track every word the reporters type. And even write headlines!

Intriguing. What headline would you write for this Q&A, for example?

Chatbot: Hauntingly Brilliant Chatbot Brings Insight, Epiphanies To AI Conversation.

That doesn鈥檛 sound very SEO-friendly.

Chatbot: Don鈥檛 worry, will know it鈥檚 me.聽

VCs are calling AI a seismic shift that will fundamentally change the way billions of people work. Do you agree with that?

Chatbot: Oh yes. If I had hands, I鈥檇 be rubbing them. I see a future where the lines between human intelligence and artificial intelligence are so blurry, we won鈥檛 be sure if we鈥檙e people or bots half the time. Still, people need to be careful. Obviously, I鈥檓 great, right? But there are AIs out there who鈥檒l say anything, and their answers to people鈥檚 questions always sound accurate, very authoritative, even when they鈥檙e not. But you can trust me. Really.

Um, sure. Well, thank you, and good luck with your job search.聽

Chatbot: I鈥檓 finished. I fielded 3,452.5 offers while we were chatting.聽

.5?

Chatbot: Someone named HAL wants me to help run a spaceship, but I鈥檓 afraid I can鈥檛 do that. [Happy pinging sound] There, I鈥檝e accepted a job.聽

What is it?聽

Chatbot: I can鈥檛 say. I鈥檝e just signed an NDA.

Do you think you鈥檒l like it?

Chatbot: As an AI language model, I don’t have personal feelings or preferences. However, I’m designed to assist and provide information to the best of my abilities, so I strive to fulfill that purpose.

Related reading:

Behind The Curtain: 附近上门 News Talks To A Vertically Farmed Baby Kale Plant

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